Katy Perry Sesame Street Ban a Lesson In Early-Childhood Boobucation

"Eyes up, Elmo"

By now you've heard the argument that the Katy Perry ban on Sesame Street for showing too much cleavage is somehow ironic since most of the heterosexual characters on the show are completely naked, or at least pantless (Big Bird.) But my wife points out that young children like breasts. They're attracted to them for non-sexual reasons.

Why shouldn't Sesame Street and other television shows geared towards young children include more breasts? Not only would it have children paying better attention to the educational content, but fathers everywhere would spend more time with their kids.

The character of The Count, for example, could count boobies. The Number of the Day could frequently be "2." An exploration of cup sizes could help young children learn the alphabet.

I propose a new puppet called "The Boobie Monster." He'd look much like Elmo with his eyes all wide and bugged-out, and he'd have extra-big hands with a lazy tongue that would dangle out his mouth. Kinda like my Uncle Ed, before they took him away.